Jul 27, 2012

The concept of summer

I always think that summers should be spent in a certain way, and mine never seem to match. I imagine big groups of friends going swimming or staying up talking in the warm bright summer-nights – but I’m working 24 hour shifts every other day and my friends are working, traveling or taking care of babies. I guess it’s called growing up. None the less I have a tendency to yell at myself when I don’t “enjoy” the summer days as much as I should, like when I get up to late or don’t go outside for a whole day. I’m trying to stop though, cause even though that might not be the way you’re supposed to enjoy summer, it’s the way I relax and if I wasn’t being yelled at (by myself) all the time I might even actually enjoy it.

So a quick description of my last couple of weeks – 24 hour shifts at the hospital every 2nd or 3rd day, sleeping late the days I’m not working (and I’ve finally found my sleepingmask so when I say late I mean like until lunch!), breakfast/lunch in my balcony (that never got the makeover I intended it to but still works well with a chair and tiny table), walking by the fields/woods nearby, reading for hours on end, watching re-runs of How I Met Your Mother, eating brunch in the city with a great podcast in my ears and shopping dresses I have no idea when I’ll wear. If it wasn’t for the fact that I miss using my voice (for other than singing super super loud) this might just be a really great summer…

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Jul 23, 2012

The process of being draged into something you want to do

There’s this thing I do after I decide to do something – I take it back. Almost every time I have a big decision to make I have this process where I start out being 110% sure that I know what I want, then I decide I don’t want it at all, in fact I probably never wanted it in the first place. After that I have the “million thoughts at once” phase which is quite draining and followed by the “I don’t even care, just choose whatever” phase. This is usually where I actually make the decision (that in 99% of the cases is the option I was sure about from the start). The last thing in the decision-making-process is the “no return” phase, you know that feeling after you’ve gotten on a rollercoaster and your locked in and the cart is starting to move and you suddenly realize – why the hell am I risking my life to be swung around a couple of times!? Yep, that’s the feeling after something’s been decided.

I suppose it’s a long way to go to say that decided things make me nervous. I would probably never do anything if I didn’t in some way have to. When I get called to a birth because they think they might have a sick baby, the only way I get my shaky legs over there is knowing that I don’t have a choice, it’s my job and I know how to do it, it’s about realizing that debating if I dare or not is not an option, the cart is already moving.

In a couple of weeks my classes start in Copenhagen and even though some might think it’s no big deal I’m still nervous. It’s a new city; I’m going to be put together with over 100 people I have never met and I’m going to be far away from my friends – not even considering the fact that I’ll be studying things I don’t know and might not be good at. I’m normally really good at staying away from scary things, I rarely take risks so I guess I should be proud of myself for doing this (how little and insignificant it might sound to everybody else) but right now I’m to busy regretting I ever decided to go, maybe I’ll feel good about it afterward – I mean, the best part about a rollercoaster is getting of alive right?

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Jul 20, 2012

A picture of a feeling

So I’ve been trying to post this for a couple of days now but I´m really not used to this mini-pc (it’s my sisters and the keyboard is physically American but programmed Swedish and I’ve been using a Danish keyboard for about 7 years…) so it’s taking a while. Anyway, I’ve been to the states and back again as you might have guessed. It’s been amazing – also, as you might imagine.

To summarize I had a horrible experience with Immigrations (apparently I look nothing like my passport), a pretty okay night in Vegas, a great day in Santa Monica, an amazing (yup, let’s say it again – AMAZING) day at Disneyland and then some really really great relaxing, embracing the surfer-chick lifestyle days in San Diego. All in all one of the best vacations ever. Only problem – it could have been longer… and 4th of July was kind of a let down, but let’s face it, I couldn’t really muster up the nauseatingly patriotic feel of the whole thing anyway, I’m way to European for that.

Oh well, let’s see if I can give you a tiny hint of how it was with some crappy iPhone pictures.

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Christ, this is taking forever (the computer is not only American, it’s sloooow too) – I think I’ll just make a part two with the San Diego pictures tomorrow. So, to be continued…