Tied up in ancient history

If I had a cat-sweater I would look like this tomorrow... And if I had a couple of thousands laying around I'd definitely get the boots. If you do have a couple of thousands you can look the stuff up here. 

Ah, the mind numbing pleasure of browsing for clothes, the perfect recuperation after reading papers about the treatment of hypo- and hypernatremia in children - seven years of med.school and 1,5 years of working, and I'm re-reading stuff I should have learned in my third year, amazing...

The city of light

...in black and white.

Last Thursday, at an unreasonably early hour, we left the city sometimes referred to as "the northern Paris" for the real and original Paris.

In Paris we gawked at the beautiful buildings and the always mesmerizing Seine. There really is something magical about walking by it's bank and pretending to be a part of the chic city.

The first day was exceptionally long. We came in early, left our baggage at the hotel and went for lunch at a bistro nearby. We walked around the neighborhood and spontaneously bought tickets for a ballet that same evening, then we hurried home to change and leave for the Opera. When we came back after midnight the view from our room was the one above, not to shabby if I may say so myself.

Our second day in Paris was spent on the Seine. I know it's touristy but it was actually really great to get an overview of the city at the same time as you rest your feet and get the chance to talk and talk. Not to mention that you get to see all the really beautiful bridges they have, man some people really know how to cross water in style!

While looking for a place to eat we suddenly discovered we were right outside the Centre Pompidou which I'd never seen before, so again we stopped and gawked at the insanely cool building. This is actually one of the things I regret we didn't do, go inside. Next time...

Sunday was museum day and I'm not kidding you when I say my neck hurt almost as much as my feet after hours and hours of walking up and down the paintings area at the Louvre looking both at the paintings and the building - and the ceilings, I mean, wow! I could have spent days in there, specially if I could have kicked everybody else out, imagine walking around alone in peace and quiet just being amazed. Then we had the unfortunate incident of me loosing my ticket while we were out getting something to eat but I don't want to think about that and how typical of me that is...

Anyways, moving on to something that doesn't make me want to punch myself in the face... After walking for hours at the Louvre we were fortunate enough to come out to sunshine and summer, well at least it felt like summer to us coming from the cold north! We sat looking at the Concord and the Arc de Triomphe from the Tuileries gardens and the next day, just hours before boarding our plane home we sat at a café in Montmartre enjoying the breathtaking view and calling ourselves the luckies girls in France!

Me - the before version

It's amazing how shaky my foundation is when a tiny little incident can bring me to tears. I never used to be like that. In fact I used to laugh a little and look down at people who cried about everything and nothing, and now here I am, a crybaby like you've never seen one.

A couple of days ago when I thought I had under-reacted to something at work I felt like that said something about how deeply inept I am at my job, like I could never learn and do better. Of course that is a huge overreaction to the situation! Not only can I learn to be better, I have to - I'm still far (far!) from being the doctor I'm going to be, this is me the "before" version. The fact that our boss the next day (while I was busy trying to apologize for my mistake) said that she actually thought my approach was better and that it was the one she would have chosen, makes me feel heaps better, but it doesn't change the fact that I have to accept that to become the doctor I want to be I'm going to be able to handle people correcting me. The biggest problem with this? Most people are horrible at doing it in a good way.

I've been thinking a lot about how one simple comment could affect me that much, I mean sad and disappointed is expected - but devastated is just a whole other ballpark! What I have narrowed it down to is just that - the way it was said. I've been corrected before of course, but never have I been made to feel like I was the stupidest and/or most irresponsible person to walk in to a hospital. I've never been looked at with that kind of exasperation and the "you'll never learn" expression she had plastered on her face. I might make a mistake and I might overlook something at some point, but I'm not stupid, I'm in no way irresponsible and I will always learn from it, anyone saying otherwise is just plain wrong.

The late night whispers

To walk out of a room, with lumps in your throat and stones in your stomach shaking inside trying the impossible task of turning back time - or kicking yourself in the head. Gritting teeth and blushing just thinking of your own stupidity, having a hard time meeting someone else’s eye. Trying to hold your ground while voices in your head snicker and chant the depressing "you can't do this, you are too stupid and too slow, who the hell do you think you are trying to save someone’s life?" Knowing deep down that they aren't true, that you can't give up, that you were meant to do this.

                                               

À bientôt

So I've been writing a bunch of stuff for the blog, but I seem to get stuck with the wrapping up part, so now I have like four half finished posts and nothing to post. That's actually me in a nutshell. Anyways, I don't intend to write anything more this evening, I've already spent several hours at my favorite café trying to do just that so I'm putting this writing day to rest now. Instead I'll dig thru my closet to see if I can find anything like the outfit below and trow it in a bag because yes, like I mentioned earlier this weekend it is finally time!

To see where the stuff is from just follow the link by clicking on the outfit :-) 

When the leaves come falling down

I don't know if you've noticed but it's definitely fall outside. The mornings are pitch dark and the cold air pinches your cheeks enough to save you some strokes of blush. Like I mentioned a while ago in this post, for once I've actually got things I'm looking forwards to this fall, one of them is finally coming up next week! Can't wait!

One of the things I've started doing these last couple of weeks is visiting the farmers market every Saturday, it's not really for the vegetables though, it's for the flowers! I absolutely love (love!) having fresh flowers at home, and isn't the color of the flowers above just beautiful? It's even the color of the season - perfect for me as I happen to love burgundy almost as much as flowers!

My favorite dress this fall might just be the burgundy here on the right. I'm wearing it under the coat in the picture to the left on my way out for a walk and some milk shopping. As it happens just after I took this picture I put the wallet in my right hand down for a second - and left it at home. So instead of buying milk I ended up walking around in my neighborhood taking pictures of the pretty autumn trees.

So yep, that's kind of been my latest week; flowers, walking outside when it's not raining (in what happened to be a bit too short of a dress for the cold) and bitching over not having milk for my tea in the morning - I think you can imagine I'm looking forward to a change of pace... 

Going up?

What do you do in an elevator when no one can see you?
- And if you say you never take the elevator because you're such a healthy person - bite me!

I always think about this when I'm in an elevator. What would the person next to me be doing if I weren't here? The reason why I wonder is because I often find myself doing strange things in elevators. It's this private space in the middle of a usually very public area and I think those kinds of places are always a bit interesting.

Ok, so maybe I haven't made out with Romeo aka Leonardo DiCaprio - but I have slipped out of my pantie hoes that had gotten ripped and stuffed them in my bag before getting out.

Nop, no smoldering eyes or witnessing of a head bashing - instead I have danced to a really good song and been paralyzed with shame when the doors opened unexpectedly.

  

Can't say I've had help taking my pants off in an elevator, but I have had them off... I've happened to put on my scrub pants backwards (yes, that can happen when you're rushed out of bed at four in the morning to tend to a sick baby!) and with my heart in my throat I've switched them, praying I wouldn't be caught literally with my pants down. This has actually happened more than once now that I think of it...

Well maybe my activities in the elevator aren't quite as epic as having Ryan Gosling staring into my eyes, but I didn't say epic, I said strange...

And there are of course the normal stuff (I'm guessing) you might do, like check your makeup, fix your hair, sing along to your iPod, change your shoes, start to undress (the appropriate stuff only of course!) before running out when being late to work and lastly take your picture with your phone. This I do at the same time as I curse over the fact that I have the old iPhone3 that doesn't have the camera on both sides so I always look like an idiot on the pictures (although there might be several reasons for that)...

So anyways, I've become increasingly fascinated by these tiny compartments that you share with strangers and that give you a tiny bit of privacy in the midst of rushing from A to B, and I'm thinking after seeing these pictures above that I might have to try some of them... you know, just to keep exploring the amazing things that are elevators. (or Ryan Gosling, I'll take either...) 

Ps. the pictures are links to the sources of the pictures or a video of the movie - except the last one, I don't remember where I found that one...

Dancing off to work

Today I've been listening to this lady - I've never heard any of her songs before, but I kind of like them. Here's one of her older ones for your viewing pleasure while I get my boots on and head to work. 

Another night another dollar... hmm, that definitely sounds worse than it is.

Watching the days go by

So the reason why there's been a bit of a radio silence here on the blog is unfortunately not because my life suddenly has become super interesting and I'm up to my ears in social engagements - this might actually be called the opposite. Well at least I'm happy that it's not because my computer has broken down, which is normally the reason why I'm not writing. The fact is I'm sort of in a rut. It's been almost a week and I can't seem to shake it. I could blame the rain, the fall or the tiredness but I'm not sure if that's all... oh well, I'll snap out of it soon enough.

Anyways, when I'm in a rut I usually fall straight into a pretty predictable pattern. I submerge in a new series, I stop cooking, stop reading (unless I fall into a new book instead of a series), avoid contact with the outside world and of course, stop writing. 

This time it's Homeland that has caught my eye. It's surprisingly good and intriguing. It stars Claire Danes and that should say enough. She is a great and totally underrated actress. A while ago (I don't want to say 20 years cause it's going to make me seem old but something like that) she made "My So-Called Life" which is the perfect teenage-drama and if you haven't seen it you really should check it out!

Oh, and this last picture? Well that's just my feet. The most challenging thing I've done today was making shadows with my feet while laying in bed. I can't say this day is going down as one of the most memorable ones, but I think there's something kind of liberating about not giving a damn and just spending an entire day without pants and without coming close to a mascara brush.