Jan 28, 2013

Making the most of a sick situation


This morning I had to call in sick to work, which was a problem - not only because it's always problematic when the person who's supposed to have the nightshift gets sick - but because talking on the phone isn't really something I'm capable of right now. Actually it's not really limited to the phone - talking at all isn't really an option right now. Obviously that becomes painfully clear when I try to sing along the lovely pick-me-up songs I've been playing all day. My poor neighbors, that normally have to tolerate my slightly off tune singing (I know some people out there are thinking - slightly!? I know who you are...) are now victims of me once in a while forgetting my ruined vocal cords and bursting out lyrics like a drowning cat. I do feel sorry for them, though maybe not as much as I feel sorry for myself.

Apart from singing I've spent the day building a village! Yesterday, Frida from Trendenser showed some super cute houses that she had made and today DesignoForm put up the instructions. So obviously me being the origami lover that I am had to try it out. Turns out it's quite easy! So now I'm thinking of making a whole bunch and make a village to go on top of my bookcase, but they might need to be a bit bigger than the ones I've made so far. Also, this gets me in the mood to redecorate and fix some things around the apartment. For example I'd like to move things around in the bedroom, but then I stood up to go check it out and the whole world took a spin and my throbbing head insisted I sit down and calm down and I remembered - oh yeah, I'm still sick. Crap!

Jan 27, 2013

Sweet dreams (are made of this)

 
 

Today I was unfortunately too dizzy to stand up for more than five minutes, much less go anywhere, so even though I've been yearning to do some cupcakes all day I've just been looking at the pictures - and the accessories! 

I think I might need to invest in some equipment soon. I mean you can't really bake without the cutest apron ever from Anthropology, or a pink whisk for that matter. The cupcakes I'm considering making are the ones on the right picture but with the frosting from the left picture. Banana cupcakes with white chocolate frosting, not to shabby I'd say... The pictures and recipes are from LinnĂ©as Skafferi - a Swedish food blog I've been following for a while now. She makes some really great cupcakes (like the chocolate cupcakes with Bailey frosting) and the easiest most delusions ice-cream  (which is actually how I found the blog in the first place...). 

But as I said, I can't stand for very long and I can't go out and buy the cream cheese for the frosting so it'll have to wait. In the meantime I think I'll start checking out what's been coming in for spring in the stores - it feels like the perfect balance to the snowstorm outside...

Pic.sources: 1, 2, 3, 4 

Jan 25, 2013

Friday I'm in - bed?

I don't get this, I've had the flu already! It's actually less than a month ago that I was feverish and practically out cold for a week. It took almost three weeks to be completely over it - and now here I am - sick - again! Luckily I have today off work and a whole weekend without work so I don't need to call in sick, but I sure could think of a better way to spend my days off other than laying in bed covered up in blankets and freezing or five minutes later sweating a river from the fever breaking. It's infuriating!

The thing is, just because I'm sick and have a headache my mind doesn't stop working. So instead I spend the hours thinking about everything I should be doing - like preparing two presentations I have next month and two classes that I'm teaching in march. I should be looking at cheaper apartments, preparing for a couple of courses I'm taking these coming weeks and making a weekly meal plan (yes, I've stopped cooking again and need to take care of it!). I have some e-mails to answer and some calls to make. And in the midst of it all I come to think about a friend who has a miles long to-do list on her phone that she was considering organizing - and putting "organizing to-do list" on her to-do list! Goodness gracious! If I get myself in the shower and in some proper clothes for a work dinner tonight I'll be ecstatic.



Jan 22, 2013

Heartbeats

You know what's the worst? Waiting. I can't handle waiting. I feel my skin start to crawl and my hands start to itch, and my heart, oh my poor heart it's rhythm increases as the minutes tick by. Today I've been very focused on my phone. I don't remember any other day I've been so grateful for work, today the kids have been the only way to get my mind away from my phone, and from the waiting.

I was waiting for a call, or an e-mail - a sign, any sign that the meeting I had last week and the meeting I had yesterday had gone well. Then at last it came, an e-mail with the most wonderful words in the first sentence - I'm pleased to welcome you... Amazing! Luckily I didn't have patients at the time because I had to jump up and dance around just a little bit to celebrate. Today I won't be scared of what this means and what will come, today I'll just be happy and proud and bubbly.

So if that waiting is over, why am I bitching about it? Well, when I have an excess of energy I tend to do this one thing - bake. It makes me happy and I get to pound a dough senseless. But there's just one little tiny problem, the raise! Sweet Jesus I'm bad at waiting. And as I wait for the dough to double it's size I can't help but start feeling my skin crawl, my hands itch and my heart beating like a maniac. But maybe today the heartbeat isn't anxiousness, maybe it's just pure relief, joy and happiness? Maybe what I need isn't to sit down, breathe deeply and relax, maybe what I need is to jump and shout and dance around? 

And later, when the bubbles are out of my system, I'll enjoy the most delicious cinnamon rolls and a big glass of milk in the company of one of my favorite girls in the world!


Update: Three hours later, I'm done eating buns, drinking tea and talking and talking and talking. Some days are just really close to perfect - and today was really really close. 

Jan 15, 2013

The butterflies


I must say, it's been a couple of interesting days. Sunday night at the hospital was interesting. I love the width we work with at a pediatric ward. On any random day I can be presented with everything from chronic diseases to psychiatric patients to highly stressful life and death situations, and this Sunday I was. It's exciting, invigorating and exhausting. I've said it before and I'll probably say it again; I truly love my job, but yesterday morning I kept forgetting where I'd put my clothes and talking took a great deal of effort, it's probably one of the most stressful mornings I've had in quite a while. 

Luckily the rest of the day was a bit more mellow. I spent the day with thousands of butterflies in my stomach but I found out that some laughs and a couple of glasses of red wine could drown them so it turned out pretty good. Today I had an important meeting and spent all morning trying to calm my nerves without wine and laughs - I must say, I was not very successful. Hopefully the meeting went ok anyway and I'll find out more in a couple of days.

So after two butterfly filled days I've gone over to something completely butterfly-free - I'm now reading like a maniac to be ready for thursdays presentation. Pages and pages of care and complications of preterm babies - my head is spinning with abbreviations like ELBW, VLBW, RDS, BPD, NEC and so on. Interesting, of course, but it's a lot to take in on a three hour train ride. To boost my energy I bought some more tulips (I'm the only idiot that would think of bringing them all the way from Copenhagen), yes, I am now addicted! 

Jan 13, 2013

You make me wanna shout


This is my view right now. I'm trying to pretend that we are close to spring and not in fact in the deepest middle of winter. The light feels like spring, but the wind and the snow covered ground are not to be mistaken, they're definitely winter all the way. 

Though to be honest with you I'm not all that interested in time moving faster, actually a pause button would be quite lovely right about now. There are so many things that need to get settled this month that I'm a bit overwhelmed. I'm trying not to think to much about it but it's hard when people around you keep asking questions about making plans for a month or two from now. Right now all I can think about it getting through this week in one piece.

I have some preparing to do for an important meeting on tuesday and then I haven't even started on a presentation for thursday. Apart form that I need to sign myself op for some important courses (and yes, for that I do need to think into march and april which I'm trying not to do!) and talk to our union about my schedule which looks like hell... Crap, this is why I don't update here, I get a lump in my stomach just thinking all these things through.

Funnilly enough the title to this post started out referring to something completely different, but it's actually very fitting for my mood today. I should dance it out, that's where I can shout, and throw my head back and shout...

I think Christina knows what I'm talking about... ;-)

Jan 8, 2013

If we ever meet again



Yes, a silly old Timbaland song has inspired this post, not only because it’s a catchy and energetic song, but also because it says something I’m very used to saying which I find kind of funny, I thought I was the only one...

Years back (a decade or so…) I met a guy I really liked, he was sweet and smart and cute – everything I was looking for in a guy at the time. We met on a trip and the whole time I kept thinking I’ll tell him tomorrow, I’ll tell him when we’re alone, after dinner, after breakfast and so on. We took several walks alone, sat and talked for hours just the two of us and still it never felt like the right time. Finally the day came when we were leaving and I felt this panicked feeling of having missed my chance. I ran down from my room where I had been packing and over to his room with the excuse of returning something I had borrowed, but with the full intention of telling him how I felt. Once there I got tongue-tied and said something in the likes of “are you sure you’re not gay?” I still now, a decade later blush with embarrassment. Is that supposed to say to him that I like him? I could have bitten off my tongue the second I’d said it. In my screwed up head I meant; “you’re too good to be true”, but I’m pretty sure that wasn’t what came across. I couldn’t get myself to explain and I just left the room devastated. I spent the train ride home replaying the whole trip in my head, finding moments and places where I could have said what I wanted to say, that wasn’t minutes before we were leaving, and of course also finding hundreds of different things I could have said that would have given a more accurate description of what I felt than “are you sure you’re not gay?” The only consolation I had was that if we ever met again I would be different; I would be confident and honest, I would never let the same thing happen again.

I never saw him again. And to be honest I haven’t met many guys like him in the last ten years, but would I, had I met one, done it differently? I’m not sure… Actually I’m sure I wouldn’t have. Still it’s a great consolation to think about, that next time – next time will be completely different… Hope is the last thing that leaves us, right?

“I’ll never be the same
If we ever meet again
I'll have so much more to say
If we ever meet again
I wont let you go away
If we ever meet again”

Jan 4, 2013

To go where the magic happens


Do you know what I really hate about myself? That I’m a scaredy-cat, that I get freaked out by everything and nothing. One of my New Years resolutions is to be gutsier. To do things I want to do even though they scare me. I’ve never gotten the whole “do one thing that scares you every day” resolution. I mean, what’s the point in going around looking for scary things to do if they don’t have a purpose in them selves? I’m not planning on jumping off a plane just for the heck of it (not until I turn 30 – but that’s another story ;-). I just don’t want fear to dictate what I do.

Some things that I’ve done, that other people might see as brave have almost never been scary to me, they’ve been impulsive things that I don’t realise are big until afterwards. I don’t remember the last time I did something that really scared me, because when fear gets a grip it’s so insanely hard to shake again and I end up backing out. This year is quite unplanned and unsettled and that actually scares me a lot. It’s exciting and thrilling too of course, but not knowing where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing in a year – or even just six months – it scares the crap out of me. I’m working on being ok with it, to focus on the thrilling part, the possibilities, but so far it’s just getting scarier and scarier as the days pas. I hope that once I’m on the other side of this years New Years Eve I can write that even though I might still be a scaredy-cat I didn’t back out of something I really wanted to do just because I was scared, I wish I can write that I was brave – actually, knowingly brave.